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Fred Weasley

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23rd May 2006

1:21pm: Mail Call
Bloody hell, I can’t believe I slept in and let that girl get another part of me. The rule is out before they wake up. Well at least I can run while she is in the bathroom. I tell you though this girl Sarah had some spunk. We have been doing this Muggle… thing way too much these past couple of weeks. It’s fun, but I feel like cauldron scum in the mornings.
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Current Mood: pensive

21st April 2006

9:39pm: I think I am going batty.
I’m going to need to get my head examined. Carefully. Really carefully, maybe Hermione can dream up something to do it. Eeek! I’m not letting the bushy haired one near my noggin, I already share half my brain with George.

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Current Mood: anxious

22nd December 2005

9:50pm: My brother is a first rate git
And I don't mean George. This time.Read more...Collapse )
Current Mood: angry

14th December 2005

9:33am: Azkaban Doesn't Sound So Bad...
I'm beginning to understand the muggle term “burnout”. What I wouldn't give right now for a single day at the shop, where I didn't have to actually go anywhere, or deal with anyone but George and the customers. I'd wear my pajamas all day, and set off some fireworks to celebrate my day of leisure.Read more...Collapse )
Current Mood: irate

13th December 2005

10:22pm: The Muggle Contractor from Hell -- Part Two
Bloody women! I have had more than enough of them!! Or of one, in particular. Perhaps it's only MUGGLE women, actually, because my meeting with Lavender went off fine. She's decided to take the flat, but it does need some extensive redecorating. The prat who is about to leave it seems to have something for royal purple and tangerine! The dining room looked like a morgue, and the bedrooms were done in shades that must have been custom-mixed, because I'm absolutely certain that no décor shop would be caught dead marketing them. The bathroom was done in sea green, with life-sized pictures of merpeople and grindylows on the walls of the shower! I'm beginning to wonder about this bloke! He lives alone, so he can't say it was his wife, either.Read more...Collapse )
Current Mood: aggravated
10:18pm: Not a fun day.
I hate today.

George and I paid a visit to the graveyard in Hogsmeade today. It would have been Charlie's birthday and... well, it was hard. George and I apparated over there, and spent some time cleaning up the grave. It didn't need much, I think Mum must spend a lot of time there. We left flowers... the Weasley Wizarding Wheezes Dragonhearts. They were one of the first things we developed after we opened the shop, and Charlie won the right to name them in a bet against us involving copious amounts of firewhiskey, a night at the Hog's Head and a witch named Bertha. We thought it was appropriate that they be our tribute to him on his 30th.

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Current Mood: sad

12th December 2005

10:02am: Everything was going swimmingly...
Why is it that just when I think things are going swimmingly, I end up in the middle of mayhem? It started innocently enough, a bunch of blokes out for a night of Quidditch and a few pints afterwards. It degenerated to something akin to the gobin wars... I can just imagine Mum's reaction to this, should she ever find out. And she will find out, because Harry can't keep a straight face while he lies, even if the lie is something simple like, “Had a lovely time, no, nothing untoward happened... just a few pints with the lads.” All Mum has to do is arch her bloody eyebrow at him and he's suddenly telling her everything short of who shagged who.

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Current Mood: contemplative

23rd November 2005

11:42am: The Muggle Contractor from Hell
My brother is an idiot. I mean, over and above the obvious, he seems incapable of making a phone call and getting the details straight. He organized my meeting with the contractor that Mrs Winkle suggested, and I happily went along to Ron's house this morning, figuring I'd be in and out, and then able to go and make some arrangements about the Belgravia house.

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Current Mood: annoyed

22nd November 2005

9:42pm: Opportunity knocks!
It never rains but it bloody pours. Just finished the deal on the Borgin and Burke's building – my ears have finally stopped ringing from Mum's thoughts on that, thank you – and I get an owl post from Mrs Harmonius Winkle about a property in Belgravia! Seems Mrs Winkle has had enough of her son, who is making it rather clear that he's had enough of her and is being rather encouraging about her snuffing it and letting him at his inheritance... which, as luck would have it, includes a rather nice building, holding three flats, in Belgravia.

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Current Mood: ecstatic

20th November 2005

1:10am: What a week!
This has been, quite possibly, the worst week of my life. Well, strike that – there have been worse weeks. Of course there have – we lived through the uprising of Voldemort and his Dark Wizards, and saw that through to the end with the Order. I've watched my brother die... I've watched... well, there have certainly been worse weeks.

But this one really sucked.Collapse )

8th November 2005

2:28pm: Mum's going to kill us.
You know, there are days when I wonder which of the two of us got the brains. Let me elucidate.

George has been whining ever since last year when the Borgin and Burke's building came up for sale that we ought to buy it. Yes, it's in an excellent location. Yes, there are three shops leasing space in it, not to mention the four flats above, and an amazing storage area that we could really use. Yes, it's right on the corner of Diagon Alley and Knockturn Alley, and yes, the bloody place is a gold mine, even if the businesses within cater to a clientele which is... well, shady, to put it mildly. All three of the shops there do a smashing business, which is frightening enough in itself when you think about it, but the fact is, they've plenty of liquidity, and they don't want to move. The place is a sure bet, if ever there was one.

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Current Mood: irritated

2nd November 2005

2:16pm: I am, of course, Fred, of the infamous Weasley twins. We're the ones who pranked our way through six years of Hogwarts, made enemies...

And friends.

...everywhere, were feared and adored and made having strawberry red hair a fashion statement. We spent more time outside Hogwarts grounds than in, connived with Peeves...

I like to think we're the only ones who really understood him

...and are probably the only students in the history of Hogwarts that Madame Pomfrey refused to treat.

Well, after a while, anyhow.

We are the middle children...

Well, not really, but we don't count Percy, the git.

...of Molly and Arthur Weasley, a rather dotty wizard with a muggle fixation and a witch who could scream for England. Our older brothers, Bill and Charlie, think we're a bit of a joke...

We encourage that, actually.

...and our younger brother and sister... well, sometimes they love us and sometimes we annoy the heck out of them. We consider this one of our many missions in life. Our lives were peachy...

Are peachy, except for that little hiccup.

Who is telling this, anyhow? This is suppose to be my story, isn't it? Go write your own.

You're doing such a fabulous job, though. I just want to make sure you get it all in there.

Getting back to before I was so rudely interrupted. Things were peachy, until the spring of 1997.

Yes, that wasn't fun.

No, it wasn't. What we're talking about, of course, is the death of Dumbledore...

The only one who understood US, really.

...and all that went with it. That night, although we weren't there until later, was what changed a lot in our world... the magical world... and what really brought home to us what was going on, what needed to be done, and who needed to do it. We'd just turned nineteen that April -- April first, of course, is our birthday.

BirthDAYS! I'm not just the other half of you, you slimy git!

I can remember the most interesting presents we received that year. Ron, of course, sent us matching Chudley Cannons tshirts...

The lad has no imagination whatsoever. They weren't even charmed!

Ginny obviously spent rather more time on her gift.

Clever girl!

From her, we received all her research and untested instructions on how to encapsulate her infamous...

And startlingly effective!

...bat bogey hex into a tablet. Needless to say, we spent rather more than one sleepless night perfecting it. By the eighth, however, we had a working prototype...

Thank goodness, because I don't know how much more testing I was capable of.

...and sales at Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes showed a significant uptake after that.

It was even worth the howler she sent us after someone at school managed to get one into her morning tea!

We made it up to her at her birthday, though. All that Amoritas potion...

I wonder why she wasn't as happy about that as we thought she'd be?

By the end of that summer things had changed dramatically. With the disappearance of Ron, who had trailed off after Harry and Hermione, our mother became even more unstable. Poor Ginny took the brunt of it, however, practically being a prisoner at the Burrow.

Rather a good thing that, actually. If she hadn't been home...

Yes, I know. Shut it and let me tell the story. Later that year the Burrow was attacked. The only ones home were Ginny and Mum and Dad... we were at the shop, Bill and Fleur were on their honeymoon... but the Aurors came quick enough when the alarm was raised, and most of the Order was there right quick. But it was Ginny...

Ginny held them off. Apparently that walrus git Slughorn was good for something besides holding down a chair. He had slipped Ginny a vial of Felix Felicious, the luck potion, before she left school that spring... after Dumbledore... well...

It was that that saved her. They'd come for her, see. They knew what she was to Harry, and Voldemort wanted her dead. With the help of the potion, she managed to dodge them all, and even got in a few good hits of her own. A lot of people died that night...

Good people.

But she got out. And Mum and Dad. The Burrow was pretty much gone, though. We wanted to take them to the shop... we thought the apartment upstairs would do, but the Order made a good point. Where better to look for them? And we couldn't exactly put the shop under the Fidelius...

Bad for business, that.

So they went to Grimmauld Place. They were safe then.

Wouldn't say the same for the Death Eaters who attacked them. After Harry found out, I mean.

Yes, bad that. Harry, of course, managed to get his head out of his arse long enough to figure out that Ginny wasn't any safer away from him than with him...

Something WE told him all along!

... and the three of them got their tails home as soon as they heard of the attack. Ah, the reunion was a lovely thing to see. Harry and Ginny running to each other across the lounge... Hermione and Ron with tears in their eyes... Mum screaming up a storm at them for buggering off without a word...

Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes Neverending Fireworks going off all over the place...

Mum trying to banish them...

The fireworks doubling... tripling... quadrupling, as she continued...

Until Hermy stuck her nose in... damned witch. It was going so well, too.

I think we have to forgive her. After all, they'd been through a lot.

True. Mum was even more ticked, later though, when the four of them disappeared. We didn't see them again until spring, right after our twentieth birthday, actually.

It wasn't RIGHT after.

Well, it was April.


I remember, because you were seeing that tart from that new pub, the Jug and Wand. Remember? The one with lime green hair and the really big...?

She wasn't human, but she was very beautiful.

Right. Moving right along. We were officially inducted into the Order that April, right after they came home. They needed the Order's help. The little buggers said they'd found a way to destroy old Snake-face, but had to have help finding him. May of that year was... interesting...

To say the least.

That was... well, we closed the shop up. Lee had been working for us, filling in where he could when we couldn't be there, but it just wasn't working. It was way too busy, and he couldn't keep up. We didn't want it to affect our friendship. Something that business, we have found, can do quite easily.

Cough Alicia cough...

Shut it. In any case, we closed up shop. Harry offered to pay for several staff members to run things and keep it open while we did what we had to do, but we would have had to train anyone but those who already knew what we did, and how we did it, and all of those people were pretty much involved in this thing.

Even Lee.

Even Lee. Ruddy good bloke, him. The Order set up a trap. We waited for hours for Snake-face and his crew to show, but Harry was certain they would. Harry was right. Harry, strangely, is generally right. We'll have to look into that a little further now that he and...

You're getting ahead of yourself, mate.

Right. Well, we waited. Mum was frantic... see, every single one of us...

Except the git.

... except Percy, were there that night. Ron, Ginny and the others weren't there yet, but no one but the Order knew that. But Charlie, Bill, Dad and the two of us were there. Mum waited at Grimmauld...

She would have bloody been in the thick of it if Dad hadn't stopped her.

The woman is a genius with cooking charms, but I don't think she can't throw an Expelliarmus to save her life.


But we were all involved, and I can't imagine what that was like for her, sitting back at Grimmauld place... just waiting. The waiting was bad enough at Godric's Hollow. The grass was wet. It was cold and dark and...

We don't really have to relive that part, do we?

No. No, we don't. It was awful. I'm no coward, but... it was awful. When Charlie...

Don't, mate.

Well, it was bad. By the time Ron and the others showed up after taking care of that bitch of a snake... well, the game was pretty much up. I'm not ashamed to say that they were winning. They had four times as many as we did... it was bad. Anyhow, Ron and Ginny and Harry and Hermione showed up... and Voldemort... it was like he was laughing at them. He said something about being immortal, or the next best thing, but Harry just stood there, staring at him, and started pulling things out of his rucksack. Every time he dropped something on the ground, old Snake Face looked more pissed. Turns out, they were all horcruxes, and as Harry destroyed them, Voldemort got weaker and weaker... and then Harry just... he started flinging curses... and after a few minutes of this...

The Dark Lord was defeated with a Sectumsempra. Rather appropriate, don't you think? Dividing his body as he had divided his soul?

Yes. Yes, it was. Well, the world went crazy after that. Voldie was dead... the partying that summer was unbelievable. McGonagall reopened Hogwarts that year, and the four of them went back to school.

Despite our best arguments.

Yes, well, I suppose it was good for them. Hermione, especially. We reopened the shop and, well, that year was startlingly successful. Apparently everyone was in the mood to celebrate, and pranking others came high on the list.

The Voldie Effigy Dolls were especially popular.

We actually made enough galleons that year to finish off the flat above the shop and to buy the building next door. The potion shop was happy to stay on in the premises at a reduced rent while we renovated the flat above, which was rather larger than our flat. After we rented it out, we went on to buy two other buildings in Diagon Alley...

We should have bought the Borgin and Burkes' building when it came available... bloody goldmine that.

Mate, Mum would have fed our pink bits to Pig.

Erm.... right.

Ron, the bloody git, shocked us all when he announced that the Cannons wanted him to try out... who'd have thought it? Harry went off to Auror training, and Hermione...

She bloody broke his heart, you know.

Mate, everyone has to make their own choices.

I still say we ought to have done something about that. You can't just tear the heart out of a bloke like that and...

Are you talking about Hermione and Ron or you and Katie? Right? We promised Ron we'd stay out of that one, mate, and that is one promise I intend to keep... and hold you to, as well. It was bloody amazing that she got offered the position at Delphi. She couldn't turn something like that down. This is Hermione we're talking about... higher learning... education? Right. Stay out of it. Anyhow, it turns out that Ron wasn't up to playing in the big leagues, but he's been right useful around here occasionally. We're not really sure what he's doing with the rest of his time.

And we really don't want to know.

In the meantime, we've acquired several buildings along the Alley, not to mention three muggle flats that we rent out, all in London. We've found that real estate is even more lucrative than pranking, and have quite a nice little nest egg to see us through. George here is still heartbroken over Katie... but I'm living life...

You mean you're not picky.

Oi, birds flock for a reason, my friend. We moved into the flat next door when our renters moved out, leaving Gin-Gin alone in the old flat. I think she likes living there alone.

I think she got sick of going home to Mum and Dad whenever we kicked her out for a night. She's happier now that we've moved next door.

Rightly so. But if you think she was going home to Mum, you're thicker than I thought you were.


Whenever we tossed her for the night, she didn't go home. She went to Harry's flat.


Come on, mate, you're not that thick. She'd come back the next morning more often than not, wearing one of his tshirts.

I didn't think the prat had it in him! A girl with that many brothers? Is he stupid?

Harry does have a two bedroom flat, mate. I prefer to continue thinking of my sister as innocent and untouched. Otherwise I'd have to pound him.


This is Harry-bleeding-Potter we're talking about, my friend. Sister or no, do you want to take him on?

Ah, right.

Moving right along. It's been a very good two and a half years since the Dark Lord fell. His Death Eaters are all but gone, most of them disappeared in the night, and Harry and the others are now rounding them up. Harry's an auror. He and Tonks actually drew each other as partners, so we know it won't be long before cleanup is complete. After that, it's just a matter of keeping the peace, I think. I don't imagine anyone will want to rock that particular boat for a while.

Business is good, we have several property investments that are paying off handsomely, and we even manage to find time to pull a few pranks occasionally. Fred... tell them about Tonks!
Umm... I don't think...

Oh, go ON!

Well... she did look rather...


She didn't seem to think so, though. The effects of the Supermodel Sour were rather... incongruous... when teamed with her particular brand of clumsiness. Longer legs just seemed to make that... well... worse.

But when she stood STILL, she looked HOT!

Well, yes... but I think you learned your lesson upon pointing that out to her.

Three weeks with a pigs tail and ears was well worth seeing her...

Yes, well...

I'm still not sure that I understand that word she used.

Chauvinist, George. Actually, she called you a chauvinistic pig. Thus, the ears and tail. Not to mention the snorting.

Well, she got her own back, didn't she?

The pig's tail...

I was talking about Ella, actually. I'm still trying to figure out how a two year old managed to hex us with breasts.

Lactating, too. Takes some skill, that.

I think she was just hungry. She'd never hex her favorite playmates intentionally.

Sometimes, my dear brother, twin or not, you really disgust me.
Current Mood: awake
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